I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
