WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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