I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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