Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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