were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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