He uses pillows to masturbate.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
