I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
