Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
