I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
