apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize