So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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