Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
