Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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