i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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