My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
