i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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