Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
