Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize