walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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