That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
