I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
