stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
