thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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