apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
