I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Let's paint friendship bongs
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
