You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
