When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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