if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
