U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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