yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
