you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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