so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
