When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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