i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
