if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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