lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
