yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
