Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
