I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
