my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
