omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
