We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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