So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
