I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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