Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
