i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
