you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
