Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
