Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
