you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
