I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
