I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
