Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
