There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
