we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
