Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
