It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
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As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
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At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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