why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Small penises have feelings too.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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