i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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