Kiss
Puke
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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