You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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