Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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