He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
