I wannas sexs uuuuu
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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