smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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