Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
