I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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