i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
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it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
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Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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