If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
