i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
