I'm eating all of the evidence.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
