Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
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the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
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I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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