i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Randomize
